Introducing : WikkiStix

If you have a toddler or two in your household, or have been babysitting one, you'll notice that you would likely to must constantly keep them busy. Otherwise, certain catastrophe might ensue. Occasionally might or might not accompanied with tears. 

I'm so thrilled when Adeline Woo, a mom-treprenuer (mom "slash" entrepreneur) from Singapore introduce me to Wikki Stix! What? Yes, Wikki Stix. It's yarn pieces dipped in a safe food grade wax, basicaly, it's a bendable gummy sticks, much like a  modeling compound, but skinnier. Younger kids might be mistaking it for a stick bubble gum, so please follow the age requirement and always assist your child when playing. Though it's food grade I don't think it's intended to be eaten. Wikki Stix 100% made in USA, so you can count on  it by the safety dept. It's also gluten free, by the way, so kids with allergies can safely play with it. Still, I'd say it again, please don't eat it.

There are thousands of possibilities of playing with Wikki Stix. Big Sis G and I tried the pink pack first, obviously. And she made a crown! So predictable of her, don't you think? See what else we made that day :

I have to say I'm surprise that Wikki Stix is absolutely odor-less. It looks like wax, felt like wax, strangely doesn't smelt like one. But it does leave sticky feeling on your hands and on glass-y surface. Nonetheless, it's not messier than regular play dough and definitely more hassle-free. It also came in lots of educational activities, if you bought the intended packages. There are dot to dot activity, maze, numbers, alphabet writing, Chinese writing, and themed/seasonal activity kits. If you're doing an art and craft party Wikki Stix would be a perfect addition to your activity.

dot to dot activity with Wikki Stix!  

After playing with Wikki Stix, here are my (and Big Sis G's) verdict..

thumbs up for :

• Glutten-free, non-toxic, food grade, odorless, mess free materials. 
• It never dried up, you can use it over and over again. 
• surprisingly sturdy and hard to break
• Fun, creative, and educational content.
• Big Sis G's own word : "I can make things with this spaghetti"

If there are rooms for improvements :

• They are highly sticky and leave sticky, glue-y streaks upon glass surface, cleaning the surface needs some extra time. You can always lined your glass/wooden table with some coverings before you play though. 
• Once you cut it to desired length, well, there goes your length. 

Wikki Stix can now be found all across South East Asia; Singapore, Malaysia, and Indonesia. Indonesians, in particular, can find Wikki Stix  in Kinokuniya Bookstores all over Jakarta (Plaza Senayan, Pondok Indah Mall and Grand Indonesia). Price ranging from $6.30, lots of variety too, from single color packs, educational kits,  themed/seasonal kits, to birthday sets, and if you shop online, they are offering free worldwide delivery!

What She Wears: Rosebud

Sometimes I think Big Sis G, sooner or later, is going to take my throne is at the keyboard, and make babalisme her own. She's a natural fashion and beauty blogger, don't you think? It just a matter of time until she learns how to type and blog. I don't mind, though. In the meantime, here's a fashion blog post courtesy of my guest blogger of the moment, Miss G.

Thanks to sweet Briana (hey, visit her at SweetDreamsareMadeofThese), I am able to surprise Big Sis G with a pink kimono dress in pink by Le Petit Society! Le Petit Society is a baby to toddler wardrobe retailers based at Hong Kong. Psst, they are currently offering free shipping to the rest of Asia. Ahem. What's so great about Le Petit Society is their stock are designed by freelance mommy "slash" designer. I'm all so into supporting other freelancer moms! Team moms all the way!

The kimono dress is way beyond precious. It runs small on Big Sis G's stature, thankfully I ordered sized 6, while she's only nearly 5 years old. The dress reminds me a lot of a pink rose bud, the top part looks like the bud, and the skirt flatters like a green sepal.Most importantly it is made with high quality cotton, light weighted-ly breathable. Perfect for humid and typically hot tropical countries! I can stop thinking about Thumbellina, despite Big Sis G, well, um.. distant size from the fairy tale's princess. I love how the stitches are so tight and precise. You know, though it runs small on G's tummy, the zipper runs smoothly, merely without a fight! A closer look on the details... 

What she wears : 
Dress     : Le Petit Society
Sandals  : Zara Kids
Bag        : it's a gift from her Auntie.
Flopper  : LVFlopper (curious? more about this, later on the blog!)

The kimono dress is retailed at HKD238.00. Get yours will supplies last! They are running out of bigger size!

What do you think of today's guest blogger? She would love some inputs!

The 9th Workshop in a Box : World of Books

Just in case you've been "being Patrick" (living literally under the rock, get it? :D)  for the past 2 years, let me tell you this; everything you love and obsess about is now inside a box. It's been a craze everywhere, maybe the most noticeable is the beauty and make up box subscription, but almost everything is now can be found in a box. The premise is simple. It's mostly boiled down to : 1. you choose a box subscription and pay online, 2. they will customized your box to your personal preferences, 3. The box delivered to your doorstep each month. The best part is, of course, what's inside will all be a big surprise to you.Indonesians may be familiar with Beauty Treats, a box filled with, duh, beauty, make up, and skincare things. But, really, I have read there are baby and kids's clothing, food, even sport and health, gardening, and  pet products in a box. Well, who doesn't love surprises?

Crafters, rejoice. There. IS. Definitely. CRAFT boxesWorkshop in a Box (WAIB)!! This is also a pretty late introduction since, yes, as you may have realized there is a number 9 on my blog post title. Wow, Ning. *rolls eyes*

The box! 

My illustration of a French librarian lady-that has a nice ring to it- graze the box cover! Yay! 

Indonesian crafters, specially, let me introduce you to Workshop in a Box! (WAIB)

Anyho, WAIB was founded by two lovely ladies of the blogs dreamesh and liaspace, Amesh and Lia, respectively. Hold your horses, crafters, these boxes are not available for monthly subscription yet, but they offer more exciting alternative. Instead of delivering the box to your house, they hold a workshop and put up live tutorial/ craft class known as workshop, hence the name. The ladies themselves get their hands dirty teaching. How awesome is that? The downside is, you have to live in Jakarta. The good side is, YES you can still order WAIB previous boxes on their fanpage. The tutorial will be stored in a CD.

Pretty much everything you will receive! book making supllies! 

This is not the #9 workshop session. I steal this picture from dreamesh's blog post of #5 WAIB. 

I got mine this way too, and if a craft beginner like me could follow the instruction, your chance are high.
Babalisme is also proudly collaborated on this box and their first one! So, keep an eye of my printables from time to time in your WAIB box!

And some pop up elements to make your own vintage French inspired pop up card.

Mother's Day Printable

I always, always forgot that international Mother's day falls on every second Sunday of May. Please excuse my lack of Mother's day related printable/craft. I'm hitting my head on the keyboard right now. 78#$^%!jasrey 6asd$%&*^&@s$d^*a&a34mp;  *  )jfh~#al#ir  ... There you go. I ruined my keyboard.

But, if you're also a last minute lovers like me (no offense, Mom, I always love you, no matter how big a procrastinator I am), I have these two cards available for you to download. TWO! for Free!! Please make you choice and pick a card more suitable to your mom's aesthetics preference. You don't have to even leave your seat now, just download and print. And we all know, although your effort is minimum, your love for mother is to the max. Agreed? Cheers for Mothers!

this one right here. 

And this one right here.

What are you planning on Mother's day? Do you have any DIY ideas to surprise her? 

Shop Spotlight : Little Owl Big Trouble

Hello, folks, Happy belated Easter! I want to thank you guys for entering my California Baby giveaway, and congratulations to *drum roll* our winner Rita I!

Anyway.. I don't know with all of you parents with boy(s), but I never have a hard time dressing and finding cute clothing for Big Sis G. After all, she's pretty confident on determining her own style and her style is well, pretty easy to shop. It's pink-and-glitter-overload-princess style by the way. *eye rolls...easy peasy shopping, right?*

And like all  -cough-*hipster *-cough- ..ahem.. modern and aesthetically educated mothers, I, once in my lifetime I have solemnly sworn not to put anything with licensed character on my daughter's body. Of course, that could only be achieved for the first one and a half year of Big Sis G's life. And she begged for her first Disney Princess Ariel t-shirt. I cursed myself, well done, mom, but hey, the only Ariel (and later Dora, Rapunzel, Hello Kitty..) hurts is my own ego.

Boys, however, I heard is pretty easy to steer into licensed-characters-free zone. They are typically not really bothered with things put on their body as long as they're comfy and free of obstruction in any way. BUT, shopping for boys in a stylish way can be a bit of a challenge. Girls have more options. Always. But don't be discourage on dressing up your little man. Stylishly. Finally. I want you to meet ..

Little Owl Big Trouble!!

1. J Shoes Orange IDR 275.000.-    2. Gray Vest   3. Trendy Training Pants   4. L/S Shanghai Red Shirt IDR 135.000,-   5. Girl's Skull Tee  6. Sweater w/ patches Green

Well, those are only a few of my personal picks to create the perfect little man outfit. I cheated, I put in one girl's t-shirt there. I can't help it I'm sorry. Aren't they the opposite of those licensed character outfit you wish you didn't have to buy for your kids? (Cars and Angry Bird franchise, I'm looking at you.) I have touched and experience it myself. Big Sis G love their harem training pants. (yes, I make her wear boy's clothes, please don't judge me). Not to mention it's easy on mom's pocket too. They are 100% made in Indonesia, too. 

You can shop Little Owl Big Trouble right here or drop a visit to their Facebook page and share some love. 

If you happened to live in Bandung, Little Owl Big Trouble is available on Bebe Bloom at PVJ mall and The Fabrik, Jl Riau. Isn't their Bebe Bloom stockist the cutest shop? I snapped a few pics while I was there and trust me, the pictures did the real store no justice. Excuse my lame photography skill. For more info about their stockist and products availability you are welcome to contact on twitter or Facebook page. 

Thank you for having me Little Owl! 

California Baby Giveaway!

As promised, welcome to Babalisme's first 2013 giveaway where you can win an SPF 30+ Sunstick from California Baby!!

How does it work? Let's see.. 

• Giveaway starts March 20th at 12:00 am GMT+7.00 – April 5th at 12:00 am GMT+7.00 (Jakarta time)
• It will be announce as late as 3 days after it's closed, please do give me time to verify all entries :)
• Open to everyone worldwide. No matter where you live, I will deliver. Standard postal mail only. 
• Enter using rafflecopter only! If you have any question, email me. 
• You must follow Babalisme through GFC and comment with your favorite CaliforniaBaby product as mandatory entries. There are more optional entries to increase your chance, but they are optional. 
• More entries mean the favor will be more on your odds. If you're so keen on winning keep those entries in!
• You must be at least 18 years to enter. Sorry, teen pals, but you can always ask a permission from your parents :) 
• All entries will be verified, yes, each of them, please don't cheat.

The product here is kindly sponsored by the generous CaliforniaBabyIndonesia. I haven't tried it, it's still freshly sealed from the store. Check all the information listed and the expired date on my picture to know more about the sunstick. I can't assure you that it won't cause you allergies, as I haven't tried it myself. But it's CaliforniaBaby! Do read my review on CaliforniaBaby's other products if you want to know about the company's signature ingredient. 

What you're still reading my babbling?? Get your entries in!! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

pssst... if you can't wait to win it and decide to purchase any CaliforniaBaby products here , fret not, I just have the 10% discount code for you. It's LOVE10. Don't tell anyone. 

California Baby Everyday Lotion and Sunscreen Review

It's been ages since my last product reviews, geez, I know, I know, I'm such a lazy lady (hey it rhymes!! err.. somehow...nothing to be excited about.. carry on..)

California Baby Super Sensitive Coller Tote, IDR 540.000,- 

Without further ado, I'd like to present to you my own personal review of the much talk about baby product: CALIFORNIA BABY!! Seriously, I have been using California Baby since my toddler, Big Sis G, 7 months old. Then, I obtain their products through a specialty imported baby boutique, which the boutique itself is a rarity in my area, or I tested my own patience by pre-ordering California Baby from (unauthorized) online baby shops. Yes, the prizes are often marked up as high as the moon. No, I'm just kidding, just as high as our stratosphere.

Good news, fellow Indonesians, since there are too much hassle in shopping directly online through international California Baby's website (Indonesians must know what I'm referring to), California Baby finally has its own authorized representative in Indonesia! *insert cheering and clapping sounds*

Here they are, California Baby Indonesia, all polished and ready to serve you. If you'd want to type the address yourself to your browser, it's http://www.ca-baby.com/ instead of www.californiababy.com. Don't worry, they're highly professional, easily contacted, and willingly ship to all regions in Indonesia. They ship real fast, I got mine in less than two days.  They are currently looking for re-sellers across Indonesia too, so if you're interested *aggravated winking at my local baby boutique and grocery stores*, do contact them!

California Baby Indonesia is so kind to send me not one but two products to be tested, reviewed, and then shared the news with all of you. They are Everyday Lotion in Summer Blend and Super Sensitive SPF18 Sunscreen, both suitable for daily wear. All California Baby products are claimed to be :

Contains organic and sustainably grown ingredients
Non-toxic
Non-comedogenic (yes, mothers of the world, now you can pat the products on your face in peace)
Non-staining
PABA, BPA, PVC, and phthalate free, not only on the stuff inside but on their packaging as well
Only vegetable and plant based ingredients
Non-irritating, non-chemical formula
Hypoallergenic

First up, is The Everyday Lotion : Summer Blend (IDR 156.000,- 6.5 oz.) It's from the same range of the much raved about Calendula Lotion, it's highly hydrating I heard it's used more by mothers (and grandmothers) to fight wrinkles rather than by babies and kids. Did I get your attention now? OK, read on. On site, it's said to work well on summer, (duh, thus the name!), non greasy, quickly absorbed, soothing after a long day in the sun.

This is my first time trying the Summer Blend variant, I bribed  allowed Big Sis G to model and test for me. LOL, seriously, no, I didn't bribe her. She's more enthusiastic than me on this one. Maybe she'll start her own beauty blog as soon as she can type.

These are the picture of the bottle, yes it is conveniently come with its own pump! You can see all the major ingredients here (Aloe vera, lemongrass, cedarwood) and the rest of harder to pronounce ingredients on the back.  

The texture is a but runny, more liquid than usual face cream or average drugstore's body lotion. It's unsurprisingly not chalk-y white, phew, it's good news, since whiter than white product could mean *eep* bleach is in it. It's ivory, more beige white. To my Indonesian nose, a lingering scent I picked up the most is the citronella (it IS listed as one of the ingredients, but it's not the main ones). It's quite strong, so maybe it's the reason it's not suggested to be used on babies under 6 months old (well you may, but be sure you're doing it under professional's supervision). On the other hand, it's another good news. Us, Indonesians must be really familiar with citronella, because yep, we have lots of mosquito here and we have tried everything to prevent them from sucking our blood. And citronella here is proven to be quite good doing so. A hydrating lotion that doubles up as mosquito repellent? Now that's genius. It is also rather nice to soothe already-bitten-ohmygod-it's so-burning-and-itchy skin surface. The down side of this whole citronella thing is, of course, you may not want it to use it on your face. As I said, it's a rather strong menthol-ly scent. I, myself, can not stand to use it near my nose, eyes, and mouth.

Mosquito repellent aside, let's test the hydrating power. Here is a really blatant picture of Big Sis G's right knee. A beauty mark to prove it's the same knee. :) First day of use, you can see there are little white patches of un-holy dryness on her skin. Big Sis G is an active toddler, she often use her knees as substitutes for her actual legs. So, go figure. The "after" picture on the right is taken approximately 7 days after our first try. Not bad, eh? I can actually feel it softer and more supple..the uneven darker area is slightly brightened too! I know what you're thinking, you'd want to get it for yourself, would you? Relax, it's also for "sensitive" adults, if you're not, well, you still can use it.

 

Next up is a Super Sensitive SPF 18 Sunscreen (IDR 270.000,- 4.5 oz. ) It's not loaded with bad-ass SPF number, so maybe you would not want to take this baby (pun intended) to the beach, or any place with high sun exposure if you're not re-applying. Although it's said to retain its effectiveness after 80 minutes of water activities or simply sweating, please use higher SPF for extreme sun exposure (you won't remember to re-apply when you have fun, that is). It's also light weighted enough to use under your makeup. *winking vigorously to mothers reading this. 

                            

As expected, the sunscreen has a more creamier, thick texture. A bit more yellow-ish as well, it looks like a pale foundation. It does smell funny, but milder than the Summer Blend lotion. I'm not sure what is dominant in the sunscreen's scent, but I put my bet on the coconut. It does smells a little like cocoa butter. To my surprise, it took just seconds to absorb to the skin, evenly, smoothly, and weightless!! You know how sun screen always leaves a streak of whites, takes forever to absorb, and felt really heavy on your skin? California Baby's the opposite of all that! But it does leave a glittery white cast upon application, but hey, it's better than average. With a busy, jiggly toddler or a crawling baby, you might want to take sunscreen time as little and as practical as possible. 

Soooo.. what's the verdict? I'll give my 4.5 out of 5 stars for these California Babies. The only downside of these two bottles with built in pumps is they are huuugggeee! Though it makes them sturdy and strong (big sis G has already dropped the lotion twice, and not a single leak in sight) it might add some ounces to your belongings, when you're travelling. If you travel low-fare airlines like me, you'll understand the importance of this. Well, there are travel sized products available on the site, so if you're so keen on travelling light, there are options. Got any itching questions? Try hooking up on California Baby Indonesia's Facebook and/or twitter page.

Don't stay away from the blog now, you might even want to bookmark this page, because I will be having a California Baby giveaway soon!! Which products, you say? That's my lovely secret!! If you want, you can tell me which product you'd most love to win in your comment. Let me read that!   

*** I'm not financially compensated for this post, although I did received samples of the products. All photographs, opinions, and words are my own. The sources of any other photographs and information listed that are not mine are stated. *** 

My Gratitude

Hello, there lovelies! Sorry for the lack of posts. I'm way behind my blogging schedule. Now that I am ready to get back to blogosphere, I want to thank and feature all lovely readers who had been using my printables! I know, I know.. I promised I blogged about all of your creative sparks sooner but life and work have gotten in my way. boo. I know. I'm sorry..

For the rest of you, bookmark my blog, I'll be having a GIVEAWAY soon! :)

Anyhooo...

Here are my list of long awaited nice and creative people who have been using babalisme's printables..

Autumn's son Will's turned one last year, and he appeared to turned into a super hero too!! 

Thank you for commissioning your superhero debut poster, Will!

And here he is in real life. Super cute, right? 

How crafty mom Autumn is? She made all this and all I made is the thank you tag! 

Heather's use of Matryoshka invitation suite. 

thesorensonsaga's  babushka 4th birthday party. 

That's my matryoshkas cupcake topper, if you haven't noticed ;) Thank you! 

ikatbag's  dress up link roundup! Thank you for having me! 

Stephanie did a great job on making a DIY quiet book for her daughter, do check her out! 

Thank you, Stephanie! 

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Merry Christmas

Have a Merry Jolly Christmas from all of us at Babalisme!

by the way, it's a pop up Christmas card from Muji, it is also free! How great is that? Just ask for their Holiday catalog and it's right there on the end of the book.

Happy Holiday and a Happy New Year for all of you folks too!

My Condolences

It's supposed to be the most joyous time of the year. I can't imagine what would Christmas be in Connecticut   , after the Sandy Hook tragedy.  I'm loss for words and deeply saddened by the massacre, especially because this time, it happened to children, happy innocent children who enthusiastically been looking forward for a Christmas cheer. Maybe their parents have wrapped and hidden their presents, tucked inside their cupboard with the children's name? Maybe they have been gone Christmas shopping together? Book a Christmas holiday, dinner, or a show for the family?

Losing a child, no mater how you experience it, at what stage of his/her life, is never ever easy. Be it through years on hospital bed, days in incubator, a terrible accident, or even a "mere" miscarriage. But maybe anger reign on a mass massacre tragedy, solely because there is an "executioner". But I don't know. I kinda feel that the shooter himself is the victim. Victim of what? Gun control? Media? Violence gaming? Can you really blame one thing? I simply don't know.  

My heart and prayers to all victim's family. I'm sorry for such a blabbering post, I am literally lost for words. It hurts inside, yet I have no words to express it. I will also never forget, courageous act done by teachers during the shooting, things that made them heroes, though I think they're already ones. God bless them all through this Christmas.

Sugar Rush Dessert Table

Holy Dessert Table! Look what Amesh made for Nova ( Indonesian weekly women's tabloid, if you were wondering, it covers everything from gossips to relationship advice to crafting!), and I pitched in a little bit! I'm so proud of her amazing job on doing the dessert table's landscape, thank you for bringing me along the joyride! 

Amesh had an idea of aqua and red Christmas, a very fresh take on an overused, bi-color traditional Christmas theme. But still, it's very festive and merry!  These are taken on my own copy of Nova.... I think I could never ever throw the issue away. How about framing it? mmm.. 

The bigger pictures... 

See the gift tags on the below left picture? You can actually have them, you know. Here they are, lovely people, do print and share with your loved ones. And do bookmark this page, because all the printables you see here today will be available for download! Think you can top out Amesh's dessert table using the same printables? Share me the pics, and I will feature your own dessert table here on my blog, and tell Amesh she's got competition. How about a real-life er...  virtual Christmas dessert table competition? ...What do you guys think? 

Download 

Here are the long list of all the crafters and the bakers participating in making the dessert table come true. but still, Amesh, you can take a deep bow and hold your head up high now because you deserve a standing ovation.

Kind enough to grab yourself an issue? Please please please get Nova issue XXV or Dec 3-9, 2012 on your local book store or magazine stall before it runs out. Unfortunately it's sold in Indonesia only.  Fret not. Think of all the free printables you'll get and craft your own dessert table away!

Christmas time is near.

Can you believe it? It's time for joy and cheer once again. Aren't you glad it's finally that time of the year again? It might sounds pretty childish, but I do cherish all those Christmas mall-decorating, Christmas theme cakes, Christmas songs glaring everywhere! (not to mention cheeky Christmas sweater!)

Don't forget I have a few printables right at this blog for you to download.

Christmas theme doll printable

Let's decor a tree!

Mail-y Christmas Tags

Nativity Scene Play Stage

Christmas Tags or Tree Decoration if you must! :) 

And if you were wondering why Scribd is standing between you and these printables, asking for some petty cash, fret not, I have included the link to Googledocs instead. So do download away if you want it so bad! ..btw, no, I'm not affiliated in any way to Scribd nor I received some of the payment from your subscribing to Scribd. 

If you have any ideas of Christmas printable, please do drop me a comment or two. I'll try my best to bring the cutest idea to life. :D 

Thank you.

Can you believe it's nearly the end of 2012? I wonder where's the fuss about the end of the world, the Mayan prediction, etc, etc.., it's trending in 2010, but curiously has grown silent during 2012.. mmm..

Thank you all so much for your kind comments and heartwarming support for my last post. It's not easy for me, but your dear words have make it a little bearable to face the "new" me. I know I'm broken beyond repair, but hearing comments and emails saying, "I've been there too, thank you so much for posting, I'm less lonely right now." or "Thank you now I know what to (or not to) say to my grieving friends/family." or "Take a look at this person's blog, she's been going through it for some time too.."  makes my heart flutters.

My first and sole intention for writing the blog post, is not crying my heart out, or bashing insensitive people, God, no. Maybe the post look a little like "whining about insensitive people" because I broke it down into a list, but what I intended is to gain my readers insight, of what to say, and avoid, to a grieving parents. Because I know, IT IS hard, not to mention while we sympathized with the grieving person, it is also awkward to express it, especially if you share some cultural points with me, where death and grief are shied away from "normal" daily conversation. 

I may sound like I loathe some of the people on my last post, believe it or not, some of the sayings on the list actually came from persons I love the most (my mom, my husband, a close friend...), and I still love them to this day though they said something hurtful. I know they didn't mean what they said, they were just shocked and got lost in their own thoughts.  I think I blurted something about "hating other babies and not wanting any babies anymore" to my husband. I know now it hurt him too because I know he's hoping another, and he knows how I love love love babies and children, and I had my share to apologize too

There's other intention as well when I wrote the post. Thank God, I think I am pretty much succeed with this one. I want to REACH everyone, who griefs, who knows someone close grieving, and ones who have lived with losing a baby all these years. While infant death never glorified as a "real" grief, more often spoken in a statistical or medical manners, I know that the pain is real. Like one reader commented, "I'm less lonely right now.", I do feel less lonely after I wrote the blog post and received lots of comments. And I hope you all do.

Thank you.

After the Storm

Hello dear readers,

Maybe some of you wondering where I have been all this time, and I know some of you realize where I am, and some maybe just don't care. But I do owe all of you a blog post. Since it's my personal blog, and technically has been my second home in the blogosphere, where I connect to my whole dear "second" family.  Ironically, lots of whom I haven't actually met, but connected in heart and mind no less than those real physical being family and friends. It's really hard for me to come back here, I haven't the courage nor the strength to face it, maybe, I don't know. Even as I'm typing right now, I am still trembling, word by word.

As you already know, I was pregnant with a boy, hence our little virtual baby shower party. :) It's a little bittersweet for me to see the printables and my happy rantings still up on my blog, because I lost the baby.

Baby Glenn was born on July 20th, 2012, nearly at midnight. I had waited in the operation table to hear congratulatory remarks from the doctors, nurses, and midwives. "Congratulations, it's a boy!" and my baby's first cry to fill the room. And to see him brought up to my chest to cuddle. But no. There was nothing. The already cold operation room grew a lot colder. It felt like the longest thing in my whole life. No baby's cry.

37 days later after he was born, Baby Glenn died peacefully. During those time in the NICU, he had not once regain his consciousness. I couldn't remember the medical words the doctors mumbling to me, but I did remember one of them saying, I gave birth to a "vegetable". Another doctor said it's already a miracle he could survive for a week, or two, given the circumstances, he should had been a still-born.

My heart breaks like it has never been. I read, I know some parents who have to endure a child lost, but experiencing it on my own is a hell of roller coaster ride. And to make things worse, child or baby lost is still treated like a taboo for some and a not too big a deal for others. I know some things are worse than this (war, terrorist attack, tsunamis, ...) but some people dare to say it to my grieving face, that, "Oh, you could always make another one." Some people I thought I know well, coming out about their own loss or miscarriage and how it still grief them, shyly, like it was not supposed to be talked about, and only talked about because now I have experienced it as well. I'm Indonesian, well maybe that's how our culture reacts to a tragedy like this.

I tried to pick up my parts piece by piece and trying to move on. Anyway, works and daily life have been catching up to me naturally. Big Sister Giselle, thank God for her, is my main source of power, my Patronus, my anti-kryptonite, my sun. (sorry for the geeky references). She had a really rough time too, losing her highly anticipated brother. I could still remember her innocent prayer every night when I was pregnant, "Dear, God, thank you for a baby brother you had given me, please let him out of mommy's tummy soon" Every night, without fail.

And, thankfully, she knows, oh, how she knows better than me. She teaches a few things about "dancing, singing, and laughing in the rain" rather than curling up crying asking when's the storm's going to leave. Because I realize now, thanks to her, that this pain is not something we get over in time, it will breath with us as long as we live. But whether you want hope to shine upon the darkest place in your heart, or you'll let your whole heart rotten because of it, the choice is up to you. I can be a bitter old lady who hates babies and curses at Santa, or I can be more loving, more generous, more positive in my whole aspects of life. Maybe a little more helpful to the world?

I sincerely thank all of you who's already been there for me too. Thank you for you thoughtful compassion.  

And thank you for not saying these to me : (also, if you have a family or a friend who has lost a child/ baby/ have a still-born or a miscarriage keep in mind not saying this to them)

• You could always make another one. (well, say that to a parent who lost a 20 year old son) 
• You're lucky he died now, you'll grief more if he was already a 5 year old. (do you double your affection with your child's age? do you love the 10 year old sister much much more than your 5 year old? and you love your 1 month old baby the least?)
• You should have been closer to God and serve Him more. (not only this remark do nothing to my grief, it's also added guilt to my already catastrophic emotion, also you never knew if the grieving person is religious or not, if you're not sure stick your "God" or "angels" talk to yourself)
• ..oh.., yes, yes, it was sad. But did you know that I was... *telling her own not-to-related problems* (I'm not saying that her problems were of less more important than mine, but please pick your timing when you want to share your own problem to a grieving friend) 
• MY! Aren't you a little fatter this time? (no, I'm not joking, I'm actually told this on Glenn's funeral. Maybe, she just lost for words, maybe she doesn't know what to say to a grieving person- believe me it's hard- I don't even know what to say to my husband. But the old politeness rule is true, "If you can't think of anything resourceful/nice to say, don't say anything at all.") 

Well, now, I have used nearly a full box of tissue writing this. I am now ready to declare that I'm back at the blog. Have a nice day and thank you for reading!